With My Regret
by TeddyBearLover14
Summary: Light's definitely got time to think about this one.
1. Chapter 1

"Here I stand now. Pity me and my regret, will you not, for I am responsible for all I have done."

I don't own Death Note, though I wish I did...XD

I possibly own what I said before the Death Note disclaimer though.

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Light pressed his hand against the window of the 13th floor. He wasn't sure why he came here, he just wanted things to feel like they used to. Light wasn't one for caring much about things, outside of his family and being Kira, but being here, as he was, tortured him more than anything. That was all simply because...there was no L. L was gone, he was no longer with Light, no longer calculating, no longer watching Light with his piercing gaze, no longer constantly picking apart the habits that were Light's, and most of all, no longer in this hell_ish_ world. Light couldn't complain when one would say L was in a better place...He was. But that never meant Light had to like it. He didn't like it. He didn't want to feel a big missing gap anymore. He hadn't realized until quite a while after the death of the famous detective, and the removal of **all** that was L, that he felt this way. He really wanted the pain to end, and the regret to vanish. Knowing that it was his fault L was dead only made it ten times worse. He sighed painfully and pulled himself away from the foggy window over-looking the city, and went to the couch. He sat, thinking to himself, about L of course, and what he could do for this to stop. There was simply nothing.

Nothing.

The hollow word echoed throughout the room, though Light was sure he'd not said it aloud. His eyes turned as he did, to scan the whole room, but it remained empty. Now he was unconsciously talking to himself, '_Great_,' he thought, '_just what I need_.' He ran a hand through his hair, '_Maybe it is what I need, though,_' he continues on his stream of _non_-L thoughts. There was a knock on the door, and Light's father walked in. "Son. It's getting late and I'm headed home. Do you wish to stay here tonight?" Light nodded to his father. "Alright. Watari has already stated that you could. I'll be going now."

"Dad." Light called out in what was almost a whisper. His dad turned to look at him. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Light."

Light knew he couldn't just keep moping around the investigation building for days on end. He decided to go down to the kitchen to see if he could find something suitable to eat. He had to think of something that could momentarily (at least) pre-occupy his thoughts. He settled for a sandwich, and headed back up to the room, again.

He opened the door expecting, well, nothing really. He got something more than that. He dropped his sandwich and gasped.

A smile formed from the corners of L's mouth. He sure as hell didn't know what was going on or how he'd gotten back here, but he was pretty sure he didn't care.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, I'm happy that someone wants me to continue this... I don't really do good with long stories, so I'm sorry if it doesnt work.

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Light slowly looked down at his sandwich, then back up to L. This was definitely his imgination playing tricks on him, it had to be. L couldn't be here, he was dead... Light took a small step towards L, who stepped back. "L," he said, "before you disappear like every other time you've been standing in front of me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I killed you. I'm sorry you died. I'm sorry I didn't realize that you being alive was more important than you being dead. I wish...I wish that you were still here, because without you, the perfect world isn't so perfect..."

L's eyes were wide with sadness and shock. "Light...is that a confession? Three actually..."

Light let out a small gasp. In all the times Lights mind made L reappear, never talked back to him before. L looked at him curiously, and started toward him. He made it halfway to Light, then collapsed. He writhed on the floor for a moment then lay completely still. Light was there beside him in less than a second. Light knew this was more than his head playing tricks on him. it was too real (and unreal, really...) that L would be here now, writhing in pain, and NOT dying from it. "_Okay,_" Light rationalized to himself,"_Maybe it isn't real. I mean, he did die in front of me..._"

"Light...I'm okay now...this has happened to me every night since I came back..."

Light's look of question must have triggered the explaination, "I don't exactly know why it's been like this, maybe being there for so long caused a sickness from the drastic changes in climate, and all other things." Light stared at him, processing it, "Where were you, L?" L looked at him. It was obvious that he didn't want to tell him, but that pissed Light off. A lot. "Ryuzaki..." he growled, earning a sigh from the other. "Light, for some of the time I was 'dead', you were investigated again, by the members working around you. I was analyzing this, and still working on the Kira case. Moslty I noticed how easily you adapted to my absence. I KNOW you are Kira Light. You cannot convince me otherwise, but yet I cannot convince myself to have you turned in. Do you see the irony in that? All I was fighting for, everything, all different now, because while I was in France, I realized how I felt. How hard it was to 'die' in front of you, and how hard it was to be somewhere so far from you, without any kind of communication..." Light was walking out the door now, anger clouding his judgment greatly, and coursing through him, with his blood. He could hear L's sobs, growing fainter the faster he walked and the further he got. L had moved himself to clinging to the door frame and was now calling to him. "Light, please. Please. It wasn't my best idea, I know this.."

Light turned, glared at him with all the hatred he could muster, and L could see it, all of Kira's murderous intentions came to life within that glare he was receiving. Light's mouth twitched with a reply, "Ryuzaki," he paused, "_Fuck you_..." and he turned and continued walking.


	3. Chapter 3

L slid down the door frame and watched Light walk away. _"Well, it's going to take a lot to get back on his good side..." _L pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed what he assumed was still Light's number. "What do you WANT, Ryuzaki!" Light yelled into the phone. _"Hmm. So he never changed his number..." _

"Light. I know you're Kira. You could be surrounded by every available police force in mere seconds." L heard Light take a sharp breath. "Well, _Kira_, what do you say? Maybe you should turn around and come back so we can talk about a suitable punishment." L smirked to himself, "_This is quite amusing._"

"Ryuzaki, you bastard." Light retorted, and hung up. Within a few minutes L watched Light slowly walk up the hall, toward him.

"Welcome back, _Light._" Light glared at him, still fuming with Kira hate. "Well than. Shall we discuss a suitable punishment?"

_"L _you _are _a bastard." Light spat out. L smirked, he knew Light would say hateful things. "I am_ NOT _Kira." He sneered at L. "Why, Light, are you so mad? I haven't done _anything_ to you," he paused and smirked, "_yet._"

_'That cracked him' _L thought. Light lunged forward with every intent to hit him, but L blocked and sent his foot toward Light's chest, sending him flying back. He stood immediately and began attacking again. This time L grabbed both of his wrists, held them upward, and pushed him up against the wall. "_Light,_" he hissed, " I do _not _have the time for your _childish _games. Grow up and let us have a mature conversation." He stared straight into Light's eyes, surprised to find that there was no anger or hatred, only deep sadness. "Light...?" L let go of Light's wrists and backed away, shoving his hands in his pockets, and looking down. "Think about it. Think hard. You have three options. I can decide what will happen to you, I can give you over to the police, or you can leave now. If you choose the latter of the three, you will be apprehended and taken to your death." Light sulked over to the couch, in the middle of the room, and seated himself. L followed suit. Light stared downward, moving his feet around. L waited because he knew Light would give in. "Ryuzaki..." L looked straight at him now. 

"You can still call me L, Light." Light's eyes narrowed. and L knew he'd slipped up.

"My name is close to your own, isn't it?" 

L sighed, '_Knew it._'

"Light, I'm not going to answer this. You're a big threat.All you need s a name, a face, and a black murder notebook to kill me. I won't let you have such an opportunity." 

Light looked down again, "Ryuzaki-"

"L." L interrupted.

"L, I'm not-"

"Light is Kira. _Everything_ is a dead end _EXCEPT _for Light. Combine the proof and I KNOW you are Kira. There isn't much use in denying it now, Light."

"I don't want to kill you." Light stated. L almost fell over. That caught him off guard. '_Isn't that what he's wanted to do since the moment I aid I was L?_'

Light pulled the notebook, seemingly out of nowhere, and placed it on the table in front of L.

"Ryuk wants to meet you." He looked up then quickly back at L. L looked at him quizzically, then poked the book.Ryuk went in to a fit of laughter. "So...this is the reason for the man on the bus hijack going crazy. He saw Ryuk." Light explained. It somewhat intrigued L, while disgusting him, that such a creature was the cause of so much inhuman damage in the world. "Ryuk, could you stop laughing?" Light asked. Ryuk's cackling died off, and he looked straight at L, "Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Ryuk...Light. I need an apple." Light looked at L.

"In...the kitchen." L said. Ryuk flew off to get one. 

"L, did you know that-"

"That shinigami's like apples?" L finished. Light smirked.

"So what, L, will you do, when you are knowingly facing Kira, with no advantage?"

"I have every advantage, Light. One being speed dial, and two being that Light STILL does not know my name."

"Ryuk does." Light retorted.

"He doesn't seem like he'd bother with killing me. Besides, if he tried, wouldn't he die, too?"

Light nodded. He slid the book forward, closer to L. "Pick it up and remove it from my reach, I want to taste your name."

L narrowed his eyes. He took the notebook and moved around, to where he sat on it, which looked awkward seeing as L never sat, he crouched. He stared at Light's face, searching for fault, a guilty lie, a slip, or any evidence of him lying. L had already sent Watari a message before he came there, telling him that if he died, Kira had killed him. and Light was Kira if that so happened. Also, if L died, Watari was to immediately apprehend Light.


	4. Chapter 4

L sighed, slightly nodding. He knew in the end he'd though, probably die anyway. He also knew though that his death would NOT be meaningless. If he died, Light-- _Kira_ would be apprehended. He nearly smiled. The game of life and death wasn't a laughing matter, but he couldn't help but feel like laughing. Either way, he won_._ L thought he had knew that after he died that he wouldn't go anywhere. All of his logic pointed out plainly that it was _impossible_ that he would spiritually live on forever, because there was _no_ logic in that, and L hated things without logic. Just like he hated that shinigami. Because after he'd seen the first one, Rem, he _knew_ that not everything could have logic. And therefore he knew that after he died, it was possibly his spirit lived on elsewhere. That thought somewhat_ frightened _L.

He shook his heads from his thoughts and looked at Light. Or studied him, rather. He stopped at his eyes, and the held each others gazes for what seemed like hours. L moved hi_s _mouth to form words, but he couldn't really say anything.

Light waited patiently, he didn't think he'd have the opportunity, but it was worth the wait if there was a slight chance he did. An endless list ran through Light's head, but every name he deemed worthy didn't fit L _at all_. He stared at L, whose face remained blank, but he knew L's mind raced.

L looked around, as if something where to come at him. He studied the door for several moments, before his eyes slowly followed an invisible trail back to Light. "Is it really that important?"

Light was somewhat startled, but also prepared for that, "It is not important whether or not I_ know_ your name, but it is important whether or not you want me to know."

L didn't really _need_ the time to think about it before coming up with a retaliation, " Light, I know that at any second, after you learned my name, you could kill me, but it's a matter of wanting to. You preach that Kira rids the world of evil, but that is as untrue as it gets. Kira kills anyone who stands before him, anyone who opposes his _ideals_. Kira is riding the world of evil with fear. Soon, there will be no one left, not just because your killing them with a notebook, but because of anxiety. They will eventually feel that just raising there voice will anger you."

Light's eyes were wide, and he was a bit hurt by that. "L, I_ want_ to know your name. I don't intend to do anything but say it."

L eyed him skeptically, before coming up with an idea. "Light Yagami. I give you two day. _Two._ You will decide whether or not you want me to die. I will not ask you to reveal your intent _before _I tell you my name. When you come, I will give you your murder notebook, and you will either say my name, or write it down.

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Sorry it's so short, I just don't really have the time to update in the testing time at school. It's prison(school) homework, bath, bed- everyday.

I thank everyone whose read this (and those who are waiting).

I don't require a comment to keep me going, so it's okay if you don't want to, and definitely it's fine if you want to tell me this is no good.


	5. Chapter 5

Light gripped his head, and sighed in frustration, "What is that L up to, it could never be this easy. He must have a card to play." He opened his death note and turned on the news. "No, I can't write down names tonight, it'll be easy to guess that I just got home, and that's why I'm writing names down. I'll have to wait until tomarrow." Light laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He tried to see the pictures he used point out as a kid, but he couldn't anymore. He couldn't concentrate on the ceiling anyway, in his head the words that L said continuously repeated theirselves. Light groaned. "This is great." Ryuk flew threough the wall at that moment, and started his routine, "Light, I want an apple."

Light ignored him and kept listening to the words.

"Liiiiiight, I want an aaapppllleee."

He glared at Ryuk, "Ok," and got up to get Ryuk an apple.

Light walked down the stairs and went to the kitchen.

"Light, dinner will be done in a few minutes, you shouldn't spoil it," his Mom told him as he grabbed an apple.

"Mom, I'll still have an appetite for dinner, I promise."

His mom let him take the apple, eventually, and he went back up to his room.

His phoned beeped as he threw the apple to Ryuk, and he looked to see he had a voice-mail. "That annoying phone of yours was playing the same stupid song Misa's and it wouldn't stop."

Light opened it to listen, "Light, I trust you're thinking well about this matter. I forgot to mention, and I know you've already thought about it, I do not have anything planned. If I die, I die, you remain free, If I live, I live, You will most likely be closely gaurded."

Light knew this had to be unreal, why would he remain free if he killed the world's greatest detective L? He closed his phone and tossed in on the bed. He walked to the window and pushed aside the blinds. "This place, look at all the lights, it doesn't give you any real room to think."

His door opened slightly and his sister popped her had in, "Liiiight, dinner's done. You should actually eat with us for once, ya know."

"I know Sayu, I'll be down there in a minute."  
"Ok!" Sayu bubbled, closing the door, and bouncing down the stairs.

Dinner happened, and it was uneventful, Light's mom asking about his day, Sayu talking about the activities her friends and her took part in. After everyone finished Light showered, and went to bed.

He had a nightmare, to him it was at least. The words repeated in his head, even while he slept, L's expressionless face saying them, while he was propped against a wall. Dead as night he was in Light's dream, even paler, even mre expressionless, repeatng those words.

Light woke up gasping, he had to figure out a way to stop thinking about it until he HAD to.

But...how?


End file.
